Rory Gilmore's Sex Tape
by Gitana
Summary: Rory and Dean unknowingly make a sex tape, with a bunch of people.


**Rory Gilmore's Sex Tape**

**By**: Gitana  
**Spoilers**: For 4.22 and 5.01  
**Disclaimer**: Characters belong to Amy and Daniel Palladino.  
**Timeline**: End of S4/ start of S5

* * *

"I love you, Rory."

"I love you too, Dean."

Passionately, Dean stroked Rory's soft hair, allowing his fingers to run all through her head. Rory ran her hands all over Dean's huge shoulders.

"This isn't going to last," she said with a pout and a hint of sadness. "You want _more_?" Dean asked flushed and tired. Rory blushed, a little embarrassed, "No, I mean us, this relationship." Dean made a face like he was going to start crying. "Why? Because I'm married?" Dean asked.

Rory caressed his face and looked into his pretty eyes, "Don't be silly. This illicit affair of ours is the beginning of the end. Can't you feel it? I'll fall in love with some rich kid and you'll never be heard from again," she explained.

"But that doesn't make any sense! I love you, I'm right here," Dean protested and Rory kissed him again.

"This is our fall from grace. Our _very delicious_ fall from grace," Rory detailed.

"RORY! DEAN!" Lorelai yelled loud enough for the entire town to hear. The pink covers were covering most of the pink naked flesh. All Lorelai could see were hands, arms, necks and faces, but clearly, even that was _too much_.

"Mom, I can explain…" Rory quickly started shaking. Afraid, Dean took over the apology: "Lorelai, please, I'm sorry. I know what this looks like."

"I, I, I, can't believe this," said Lorelai, stammering a little. "Dean, you're married! To someone _else!_"

"Yeah, but she doesn't count!" Rory protested while shaking some more.

"She doesn't count!?" Lorelai yelled again.

"She's a contrivance, so no, she doesn't count. He's mine!" Rory yelled clinging to Dean's arm.

"What if you got pregnant?!"

"We were totally safe! We used this magical condom that appeared out of nowhere. It's okay, really," Rory explained.

"When you say _magical_…" Behind Lorelai, a small figure made its way to the sexy room. It was Babette, who had been patiently waiting in Lorelai's car until she heard the second yell.

"Oh honey, is everything alright?" Babette asked, moving past Lorelai, discovering the scene before her. Her eyes grew wide and sparkly; she quickly understood exactly what was going on. "Oh heavens, sweetie, I'm sorry to interrupt, I heard some screaming. Is this your first time?"

"What?" Rory asked a little bewildered.

"Are you a virgin, hun?"

"Not anymore!!" Answered Lane, who had been hiding in Rory's closet all this time, too scared to move, too excited to stay quiet any longer.

"Lane! How long have you been in there?" Rory clutched the sheets tighter to her chest.

"All night."

"All night?" asked Dean, getting very self-conscious all of a sudden. Understanding the worry in his eyes, Lane secretly gave him two thumbs up and a wink. Dean felt better immediately.

"What were you doing hiding in my closet, Lane?" Rory asked in a sweet, condescending tone.

"I had to keep myself from being irrelevant! I'm your friend. I should be involved in your life somehow. I'll hide in your closet and follow you around while you kindly ignore me. Also, I'll seize the opportunity to cheer you on whenever you're doing something mildly exciting. Like this. It makes me feel part of your life."

Lorelai couldn't believe any of it. "This is unacceptable! Everyone who is naked right this moment, get dressed!"

"In front of everyone?" Dean asked, self-conscious again. Babette secretly gave him the thumbs up and Dean felt better. He started to move the covers to get up but Rory stopped him. "What are you doing? We waited five years for this, you can't walk away!" Dean smiled sweetly, "That's true, I can't believe this is happening…" Dean said as they both moved in to kiss. Lane jumped up and down with glee, "Yay!"

The phone started ringing; out of nowhere Miss Patty came to pick it up, "Hello? Oh, hi Mrs. Gilmore. Yes, Lorelai is here, I'll put her now, it was nice talking to you." Miss Patty walked across the kitchen, phone in hand.

"Patty, what are you doing here?" asked Lorelai.

"I got worried. Everyone at the Inn is worried. You were taking so long. Your mother's on the phone, dear," said Patty, handing the phone to Lorelai.

Lorelai answers with apprehension, "Mom? What is it? Nothing's going on… We're having a little get together that's all--what? What are you saying that I didn't invite you, it was totally unexpected, it just happened…"

Miss Patty looked lovingly at the naked lovers before her and sighed. "I remember watching you when you were two kids running around and thinking, they're going to grow up sexy!"

Rory and Dean were horrified at first, but it's Miss Patty, she's supposed to say creepy sexy stuff like that. So they smiled.

Lorelai was still on the phone. "No, mom, you're wrong, you always mistreated me, I was never free and I wanted to be free, like a bird! I wanted to fly, I wanted to run and be free, FREE! Yes, so I got pregnant, with Rory, your granddaughter, the one you love sooooooooo much, mother. Clearly, you never understood my free spirit and hate for anything too structured, unless it is my structure, because I'm really good at that! I'm good at everything, actually."

Jess could hear voices inside the Gilmore house, but he'd been knocking for five minutes without an answer. He decided to sneak into Rory's room through her window. Rory's window was covered with what appeared to be a thousand white curtains. He tried to open the window but it was locked. He knocked. Startled, Lane went to investigate the sound outside the window. She moved aside the curtains and saw Jess looking back at her. "Shoot!" Lane closed the curtains and pretended nothing had happened. Furious, Jess kicked open the front door of the Gilmore house. Once inside, he started looking for Rory through the gathering crowd.

Nobody paid attention to the small boy with crazy hair and crazy eyes.

Lorelai was now banging on the kitchen table while making a few points to Emily.

Before storming into Rory's room, Jess went back to the living room, and with an evil chuckle, he knocked over a mannequin wearing a dress Lorelai was making. He had a reputation to protect. Again, he went to look for Rory in her room making his way through the crowd. When he set eyes upon Dean and Rory, he lost it.

"WHAT?! WHAT!?" Jess screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Jess!" Rory said in shock.

"Jess," Dean said with anger.

"You…. You…" Jess could barely speak. "You had sex with him before you had sex with me?" he asked while Rory lowered her head without saying a word. "But I read! You read! We read! We're supposed to be together!"

"I read too," Lane said while cleaning her glasses.

Everyone looked at Lane, then at Jess again.

"_I'm_ the bad boy. It's tradition to lose your virginity to someone like _me_, Rory. I had a whole plan and everything."

"You what?" Dean yelled back, holding on to Rory.

"You what?" Lorelai yelled from the kitchen table. "Screw you, mother!" she finally said and hung up.

Babette couldn't take her eyes off Jess. "Aren't you the boy that stole my gnome?"

Lorelai walked back in to the room, making evil eyes at Jess. "You're _still_ naked? In front of Jess?"

"But mom!" Rory protested.

"That's it. I'm calling Christopher!"

"Who?" Rory asked confused.

"Your father."

"Oh."

Suddenly, a strange man entered the Gilmore home. Confused at the amount of people in the kitchen, he asked: "Is everything alright?" But nobody answered him.

"Who is that?" Miss Patty asked Babette, but Babette didn't know. The man understood the looks as he rolled his eyes to the back of his head. "Oh, for Pete's sake!" he said, taking out a baseball cap and putting it on backwards. Immediately, everyone sighed in relief. "It's Luke," Miss Patty announced.

"Uncle Luke?" Jess popped his head out of Rory's room. He was alarmed at what he saw. "Where's the pot of coffee?" Jess asked.

"Coffee?" Luke replied.

"Yes, the coffee, Uncle Luke!"

"You didn't ask me for any."

"But that's what you do! You serve coffee and offer unwelcome advice! I need you, Uncle Luke."

"Yes, while looking sexy as hell…" Miss Patty grinned at Luke.

Luke nervously started making coffee.

"I smell coffee!!" Lorelai yelled from upstairs. "I gotta go, Chris. There's coffee downstairs, Luke's coffee."

"Luke is there?" Chris asked.

"He's making coffee. That's what he does. That's why I love him."

"You love him?" Chris sounded sad.

"I love you, too, but we'll deal with that later."

"We're _always_ dealing with it, Lor, even when it doesn't make any sense."

Lorelai had a huge grin on her face, "Yeah..."

"Pick me up tomorrow at the airport, then?" Chris asked.

"Yes. In a taxi, so we can have sex on the back seat," Lorelai flirted.

"Cool, even a more inappropriate place for us to have sex in! I can't wait. Wait, we can't! Gigi."

"Oh, right. Oh well, I guess the 10 years too late, awkward sex talk to Rory will have to do."

"Awesome!"

"Bye, Chris."

"Bye, Lor."

Running down the stairs Lorelai followed the smell and almost tripped on the mannequin. "Jess!" she said under her breath. Lorelai found everyone inside Rory's bedroom, all looking at the same thing.

"A camera?" Dean asked having a breakdown.

"Somebody taped us?" Rory said getting red all over.

The small camera was strategically placed on top of Rory's drawer, looking right at the bed.

"Who did this?" Rory placed her head on Dean's huge shoulder. Jess drank an entire cup of black coffee in one sip and went to the living room to kick the mannequin on the head.

Somewhere outside the house, behind the trees, Todd, Lane's one time soul mate laughed. "This is SO COOL!" Todd said to himself. "Youtube, here I come!"

**THE END**


End file.
